Here's to Life

I wonder if I'm still living a normal young-adult life at the moment.

So many fears, so many doubts, so many commitments.

I'm not sure with the points that I would like to elaborate but things sure are in a mess. Seeing the current situation I felt the obligation to financially and physically support my family. ASAP. I mean, to hell with this..practicum period. Yes, I get experiences but no, it's draining a lot of my pocket money. How the hell am I supposed to help my family?

Yesterday's a long pain-staking day. Waiting is an agony. Abah had a minor surgery. It seemed both of his hands couldn't be use to circulate the blood any more.Which meant the only option left was to plant a tube in his chest.

Seeing his agonising face enduring the pain, I was left speechless.

I felt like crying. But Mak always told me not to do so. You gotta be strong for the family. Crying is for the weaklings who lost hope. Who am I to argue? But seeing his face eagerly swallowing the dinner I made, I couldn't help but to cry.He hasn't eaten for almost two days. And to see him going for the second round, gingerly waiting for Mak to spoon-feed him, it's like heaven. And he compliments my cooking. I don't usually cook. I'm a lazy cook.

So that, just changes everything.

I admit that I'm a weak person. I'm not as strong as Mak. 21 years of raising her children, 17 years taking care of my sick father.I doubt any other mother could do such a thing, possesses a will and strength as Mak. My mother.

So does Abah. The most hardcore, strong-willed person I have ever met. And he can still goof around his friends even though he's in pain. My father.

I am so proud of these two.

I guess I just gotta endure some more.

Work my way through life.

Please don't take them away from me, O' Allah.