PEACH.emphasize

Ragged

2011-08-23T02:47:00.002+08:00

It's been a while.

It's been really zany.

Yep, memang aku sorang je yang rasa macam tu.

Ramadhan kali ni terasa kurang manisnya compared to the previous years.

Aku tak pasti kenapa.

Rasa jauh, rasa kosong, sedikit kekecewaan.

Bila semua orang cerita balik kampung lagilah aku sedih.

Aku dah tak punya kampung lagi. Boo hoo.

Bila apa yang aku rancang tak menjadi, aku jadi patah hati. Sangat2. Susah oh orang over sensitip macam aku ni. Orang lain dah jalan jauh, aku terkial2 cari hala tuju lagi. Mana aku tak sedih? Mungkin aku patut pindah Raub jaga lembu kambing. Entah apa cerita deme kat sana.

Hmph. Nyaris aku diprovokasi dengan perasaan aku sendiri. Tak tipu. Mungkin aku rasa kurang bersyukur dengan apa yang ada. Tak salah kan kalau nak yang terbaik? Hm. Dahsyat sangatlah cobaan Dia tahun ni. Rasa nak lari kat Uganda lah.

Girl With A Cotton Pillow

2011-08-13T00:06:00.002+08:00

She kept looking at her left carven wrist. The eight year old embellishment is never a proud memory to recall at. Her knowledge of the veins wiring from all over her system is enough to give her a disturbing idea of seeing herself, back slump against a wall, legs sprawl lifelessly on the floor, thick crimson liquid running wildly yet painfully out of the intended opening. But she had never really wished for that. All she wanted to do is to learn, how exactly will her parents reacted over such scene. Will they blame themselves? Or will they take it for granted? Exactly.

So she took one of the teethy ordinary looking machine, one that her mother rarely used. She knew the prying eyes in the house were out to god-knows-where, her hands trembled as she reached for the said tool, then came back into her dark musty lair. The only place for her refuge of her parents' antics and the cruel blizzards of the society's tongues. Back on her old creaking bed, it hardly ever console her. It never retain her from having dreams, which sometimes make her suffocates whenever she wakes up. But there's one thing she always loved so much. A pillow. A pillow contains the memory of her dead grandmother. Oh how she loved her, her smile so beautiful it soothes every eyes that fell onto her. How she like to sit herself on her grandmother's lap and fell asleep.

With those memories flooding her mind, the words of her parents the other day took place so sudden. It was terribly painful. What had gotten into them to suddenly lashing out their frustration at her? What had she done to receive such words? Slapping her own cheek she moved onto the tool on her right hand. Still playing those painful moments she started to move the machine to all sorts of directions on her skin that she could think off. Biting her lower lips from the pain, blood drew oh so flawlessly from the cut. But then she thought, this wasn't enough to drive her parents' mad. Yeah. A simple, firm horizontal move on the artery, yeah, the left artery will definitely do the job. Alarmingly she smiled of such thought. Yeah, just a little...

Wildly shaking her head, she snapped out of the dream. The cotton pillow clung tightly between the her her hands and her ragged chest, pumping in and out from the lack of oxygen. No. It seemed more like a lost old memory. No. She would never do that. And her parents are nice people. Sure, they weren't perfect but they would never harm their children. Nah, just a dream. Searching for an assurance, she takes a peek at her left wrist hidden beneath the pillow. No, no, no. This can't be true. It was just a dream. She will never do such an act. No!

Yet, an embossed part of her skin that appears like a straight line across her wrist barely 2mm looks perfectly visible to her eyes.

a/n: Peh~ agak2 aku ade bakat jadi author tak? Haha. Cereka di atas adalah rekaan semata2. Aku dalam keadaan stress so satu2nya cara untuk aku bertenang adelah dengan menulis. :)

Reanimate

2011-07-17T20:51:00.002+08:00

Heaven knows how much I tensed with every given veins inside my body.

And how much I hate it when my mind is not in a working mode.

And how much it makes every single micro of face oil turns to cranky zits on my face!

And how much I knew the fact that this being is specifically built for thinking and working and travelling and not cramping inside a 4X4 hot stinking room with no reliable air-ventilation.

Damn, I really need to get outta this house asap.

Anybody cares to invite me on a long mind-developing journey?

Summer Wine

2011-07-13T01:07:00.005+08:00

Pada satu pagi, aku rasa ngantuk sekali.

Tapi kalau sambung tidur Mak mesti pakat pecah pintu bilik aku.

Maka aku pun bosan.

Dan aku pun keluar lah belakang rumah jalan2.

Aku tangkap gambar semut api tapi aku tak tahu macam mana nak edit.

Sekian terima kasih.

Stop & Stare

2011-07-01T04:53:00.005+08:00

It took quite a few minutes to put my thoughts into words. Likewise, I'm no Einstein or perhaps in this context Mark Twain of the Adventure of Tom Sawyer or Edgar Allan Poe of Cask of Amontillado, which I still find it excruciatingly hard to understand.

Out of boredom awaiting for the others to come back from work, I scavenged the tower of dust sealing my dvd collections, in search of some mere entertainment. After a stress-reliever session of dancing like an old gypsy lady throughout the opening song of GTO (Yes, I watch Great Teacher Onizuka): The Anime, I sat on the couch watching intently.

I would say that he's pretty much innocent (put aside his perverse nature). Yes, that sounds brilliantly stupid. Why? He's the victim of a failed education system. Anyway, it reminded me of the days before I went for my practicum. Again, this sounded really dumb but I did use GTO and Gokusen for my reference. I'm not sure why.

Partners in crime, Ain Eza & Leman.

I had a major emotional breakdown during those days teaching the hormonal rage teens. Believe me, teaching is the last profession I had in mind. Which I think resulting me in having phobia of being around strangers. Nevertheless, time cures. The rapport between me and the students are much better then. And I miss them a lot.

I've always wanted to say this, "Sekolah kau boleh ke buat camni?" *snort XD

Halls of SMK. Sultan Abdul Samad, Banting.

[Damn, the picture quality's deteriorating.]

di double ow em.

2011-06-18T19:08:00.002+08:00

Why? Why can't you understand?

I'm not your tool to make up those past failures of yours!

I'M A HUMAN BEING!

Why the hell can't I decide for my own life?

My own future, my own rationalising?!

Why dammit?!

Do I look like a doll to you?!

No feelings no mind of her own?!

Watch me.

Just watch me.

I'll turn the table.

I'll destroy this so-called legacy of yours.

I'll make you pay for every year I wasted for your stupid dreams.

Reap what you sow. Reap what you sow.

2011-06-13T22:53:00.003+08:00

アイシテルと告げたらきっと
もう二度と笑顔には戻れないかもしれない
けれども友達のまま　作り笑いは
これ以上私出来ないから..

Domo-domo

2011-06-02T23:53:00.018+08:00

For parting gift, 3 of my students gave me this bag.

I wasn't sure about the content though.

SOS

2011-05-25T21:18:00.003+08:00

Tis' I know well.

I could never leave this web, excruciating web.

For my aid is vital, mending every strand of its' string.

Though my being slowly descends, to the depths of despair.

Help me.

I'm drowning.

- May 25th, 9.37pm

The Bear Attempt - Part 1

2011-05-07T00:44:00.006+08:00

One day I found this little guy hanging around with his/her

I dunno the real gender -_-;) mother,

which is my house mate back when we're doing our practicum.

Me: Who on earth neglects this thing in my house?

Lil' Brownie: Ewou mommy's fwend! I'm Bwownie.

Me: Bwownie? Not brownie?

Lil' Brownie: I shaid Bwownie! Bwownie!

Me: Yeah whatever.

Later he/she played cute in front of me.

Well- I couldn't resist cute things.

Oh, here comes Ichi.

Ichi: Huh? What the hell is this?

Lil' Brownie: I'm sho cute..I'm sho cute.. :D

Me: Ichi don't step on the poor bear!!

Ichi:Hehheh.

It's a good thing her/his mom didn't scowl at me.

Moral of the story: Don't scatter your child all over the place.

Kaleidoscope Blunder

2011-04-04T04:09:00.003+08:00

Say hello to the new banner!

[Gilak bah kau esok lagi ada skolah bah..]

Yes, I took the privilege of my beauty sleep to make a new banner and retouch this dude's pitcha.

Despite having to renew my licence and attending school this morning. Yeah, I'm friggin loco.

The dude above is actually, I don't know who the hell he is but we met him next bench when me, Abah and Mak went for 'aircraft-spectating' at the KLIA. I nearly got caught by him when he suddenly woke up and stared at me. And then he fell asleep again. -_-;

So if you found my blog, my apologise pal.

But you were to hilarious to ignore. XD

ps: Credits to En. TaQ0, owner of DuniaGrafikSaya.blogspot for nominating me for most-read blog of 2011. Honestly, what do you get from my blog incik? XD

Doodle: Sardine

2011-03-30T22:26:00.008+08:00

Hm. Ha.

Cat got my tongue.

It's been like forever since the last post.

It feels like everything's about to burst particularly in this post.

So here we go.

Event 1:

I love last weeks lesson with 1 Bestari. Heck I forgot to document it in mah camera. I was doing an activity in this class which requires them to work in groups. So when the 1st three groups finished at the same time they were fighting (not literally la :p) to present their works first. So I had them to Lat Talilat first. What's beautiful is that each group was represented by a Malay, an Indian and a Chinese student. They were soooooo happy Lat Talilat-ing in front of the class with their friends screaming with support at the back. Honestly, that's the first time I ever experience the real 1 Malaysia. It was really beautiful. Damn, I'm gonna miss these kids once the practicum is over. :)

Event 2:

Yesterday, Abah was supposed to have his fistular surgery but it was postponed to this Thursday. Which is tomorrow. So that morning when we arrived at HUKM, I saw Hans Issac. As in the actor. Heck. No biggie. But then I saw him pushing an old lady in a wheel chair. I guess it maybe his grandma or mother. Now that's something. I mean, we RARELY see someone who is popular and at the same time cares for their sick family member. At that point I thought, W0W.. He's the ideal husband I'm gonna snatch from everyone! Haha.

Event 3:

I'm not sure when was the last time I shoot anything. So I guess this is the latest subject of my interest. Haha. I lap BJD, I lap BJD, I lap BJD. XD

Here's to Life

2011-03-16T02:00:00.004+08:00

I wonder if I'm still living a normal young-adult life at the moment.

So many fears, so many doubts, so many commitments.

I'm not sure with the points that I would like to elaborate but things sure are in a mess. Seeing the current situation I felt the obligation to financially and physically support my family. ASAP. I mean, to hell with this..practicum period. Yes, I get experiences but no, it's draining a lot of my pocket money. How the hell am I supposed to help my family?

Yesterday's a long pain-staking day. Waiting is an agony. Abah had a minor surgery. It seemed both of his hands couldn't be use to circulate the blood any more.Which meant the only option left was to plant a tube in his chest.

Seeing his agonising face enduring the pain, I was left speechless.

I felt like crying. But Mak always told me not to do so. You gotta be strong for the family. Crying is for the weaklings who lost hope. Who am I to argue? But seeing his face eagerly swallowing the dinner I made, I couldn't help but to cry.He hasn't eaten for almost two days. And to see him going for the second round, gingerly waiting for Mak to spoon-feed him, it's like heaven. And he compliments my cooking. I don't usually cook. I'm a lazy cook.

So that, just changes everything.

I admit that I'm a weak person. I'm not as strong as Mak. 21 years of raising her children, 17 years taking care of my sick father.I doubt any other mother could do such a thing, possesses a will and strength as Mak. My mother.

So does Abah. The most hardcore, strong-willed person I have ever met. And he can still goof around his friends even though he's in pain. My father.

I am so proud of these two.

I guess I just gotta endure some more.

Work my way through life.

Please don't take them away from me, O' Allah.

the Welcoming

2011-02-13T02:38:00.016+08:00

11 February 2010, 11.00pm.

Yippee! Tis' agony finally met it's end!

To Mr. Kagaya, make sure you write my address correctly next time.

I don't want banana to fruit two times.

Let's see.. What do we have here?

Haha! It really is for me!

Ouh.. (rapid heartbeats)

Finally, fresh air! Oh. Umm..who are you?

-Me? gulps.

Argh! What happen to me? Where's my hair? My clothes?

*went to look for his hair

-Anoo..Mr..your clothes are still under layaway. Sorry!

*nervously giggled

Oh. Umm.. Nevermind. That's a bad start.

Tonikaku, let's have our Jikou Shokai (self-introduction).

Miyazaki Kou desu. Kimi wa?

-Ehh..me? Kai is fine. :) and welcome!

(Stalking his beautiful limbs)

Are you..checking out my feet? (Shyly pulling his feet away)

-Oh! Haha. Sorry.

My neck's kinda stiff. Can I lay down for a while?

-Sure. It's your home too from now on. :)

-I wonder what was on his mind?

Umm..Kai? Do you mind if I take a nap? It's been a long journey.

Promise we'll hangout again tomorrow okay? ;)

-Ahh..sure do. I know it's pretty tiring. Get enough sleep. :D

And so I left him as I went to prepare to go to school.

Lucky for him he got enough sleep.

Me on the other hand, I almost fell asleep in the staff room.

2011-02-06T22:51:00.002+08:00

Motivation gauge's running low.

Heyya blog, I miss ya.

Sorry I was too busy these days.

But things are pretty out of hand.

My package's yet to arrive, and it's driving me crazy.

And it seems my anger management skill's going downhill as well.

What's wrong with me I don't have a clue.

Damn I want my life back.

2011-01-12T00:22:00.002+08:00

The last thing I would wanna hear right now,

in the middle of my final battle with stacks of nerve-racking question papers

and facing the ultimate fear of teaching a bunch of strangers

is the news of Abah's unwell condition.

Dear God please grant me thy strength!

Anecdotal

2011-01-10T23:53:00.001+08:00

Lonely as sparrow,

Forgotten as clouds,

Blistered as broad skies,

Loathed as rain.

Aye.

-Unisel Bestari Jaya, January 10, 3.52 pm

Brimo, Tormentuosus

2011-01-08T01:06:00.000+08:00

Alas, thou hast failen.

Aku dengar the other side of aku kata pada aku.

Sisa2 hari terakhir aku kat Bestari Jaya ni buat aku flashback balik the previous 4 years of hidup aku jadi budak B.ED TESL. Macam gramophone rosak yang mainkan lagu Moonlight Sonata on and on and on dengan kabus Ludwing van Beethoven staring intently kat sebelah kau. Seram tahu tak?

And feeling as if out of the blue, dah kena practical. In 10 days. Agony tahu tak semua ni? And the fact that probably aku terpaksa rombak balik term paper kepada topic lain disebabkan sekolah tu tak dapat provide computer lab yang cukup, sors immanis.

And also, the fact that a certain matter of a certain being yang buat aku marah, down, sila jangan cari aku lagi lepas ni. Aku bukan lapik kaki kau. I too, have a feeling. IF YOU NOTICE. Estuans interius ira vehementi.

Alas,

inilah realiti. Bukakan mata aku.

Excitate vos e somno, liberi mei
Cunae non sunt
Excitate vos e somno, liberi fatali
Somnus non est.

Valete, liberi
Diebus fatalibus.

Head Shot

2010-12-31T05:46:00.000+08:00

Ahh...

Victory's sweet.. :)

Everything tastes super cavity sweet yesterday.

Finally.

My Proposal's accepted.

So I can move on with the real term paper.

Finally.

The book that I ordered few weeks ago has finally arrived.

Now I can work on my term paper, again.

And FINALLY!

FINALLY, after a few months of effort finishing Resident Evil 4,

I FINALLY BEAT THE TRASH OUT OF SADDLER'S HEAD!

WOHOOO!!!!!!

EAT THAT WORM FACE!

Oh yeah.

FYI, Saddler's the final boss.

He's a tough nut to crack though. :/

But hey, blowing the crap out of his head felt REALLY good. :D

Geh..

That's something a girl shouldn't say. :p

This is what the battle's like.

But that player used a lot of mine darts and preferred to use his own hands.

I used my brain though. XD

A couple of Magnum, a rocket launcher and the facilities they got there.

No mess.

Less than 7 minutes.

Bapak ah cakap besa. XD

[Resident Evil 2 & 4, check. Final Fantasy 7,8,9, check. Parasite Eve 1&2, check. Eh, what else ah? Oh. Persona 4, check. Hn..]

Doodle: Fire in ze hole!

2010-12-29T03:04:00.000+08:00

Kemaruk

Sangat2

Sangat3

Nak pegi menembak

Busy

Tolong

Berkarat camera aku kat rumah!

ps: Gambar adalah hiasan semata2

Within the Walking Distance

2010-12-28T07:30:00.000+08:00

So cold.

Tiny speckles of those white flakes keep pouring down and melts as they touch the virgin ground. She gazes from the pane of her own pied-à-terre, eyes rest on a murky yet seemingly warm room across.

"Farewell."

Bitter smile carves on her face. Reaching for her long black trench coat, she heads out towards the road reservedly as a mule. The night befalls darker, not a trace of shadow but her own keeping her company.

Ah... So long has this flee become?

Her long legs sullen from the walk, she leans on the sleeping old cedar, facing the frozen lake. So sombre the moon beams her remaining lights before she too, falls asleep like the old cedar. Chafing her cheeks for heat, her eyes and thoughts still forlorn.

"Why do you have to stay so vivid in me?"

Tears break from the pond of her eyelids. One must remained enemy, one is destined to be enemy, the words of her forefathers bleed her ears. A gush of warm wind touches her back. Viciously she stands, immobilising the hand of the dark tall figure behind her. But it is his, first seizing her right hand and rest it on his chest. This warmth, she knows it.

"Because your heart belongs to me, for it is mine, that belongs to you."

A slight of the moon's gleam falls onto him, revealing his slate grey hair and crimson red left eye.

Him. The dweller of that inviting room, the dweller of her whole being.

Onna no Chikara!!!

2010-12-25T05:28:00.000+08:00

Hello, I'm Rudolf the rain deer with red gleaming nose.

Not magic but flu. XD

*Stuffing more tissues inside nostril

I seldom get sick but once they strike me, haha.

Almost hospitalised once. XD

Nice. Just what I need when I got my term paper,

tests, etcetra etcetra going on.

Can't sleep...

Gomen kudasai, hahaue.

Oyaku ni tatenakute sumimasen.

Atama to hana ga itai desu. T.T

I look exactly like Yui's condition.

Gyahhhh!!!

Power up!

Ima super gal!

Onna no chikara!!!

* puts on girl power songs and head bangs till morning

Banzai!

2010-12-23T04:22:00.000+08:00

Yeah.

I still can't put off the dream of owning a BJD.

The thing is, it is very hard to find a good looking Japanese BJD.

I guess the Korean did it better.

(And this coming from a Japanese stuff fan!)

I didn't say Japan BJD makers sucks,

perhaps they are more towards making loli-shota-looking (young cute boys) dolls.

Gehh..I like bishies but not shota.

But hey, look what I just found!

Meet Kamimura Minoru. :3

Super Dolfie Limited Edition type.

Cho~ taipu!!!!!!!

(Bye bye Patrick! XD)

But it's not always a bed or roses.

He costs $1210.

Convert to Malaysian Ringgit : RM 3790. . . .

Mak will definitely chased me with sweeping broom all the way to Thailand borders.

Read the label girl, LIMITED EDITION...

Okay.

The least I can do is to dream.

He's so out of budget.

See you when I got RM 100,000 Kamimura-kun! T.T

Zzzzz....

He's so darn cute :3

Credits to Volks INC., Sumika Times Blog

Downgraded

2010-12-19T19:47:00.000+08:00

Sesungguhnya,

hari ini aku meratap melihat page online game yang selalu aku main dulu.

Cerberus yang aku rindui..

Haih.

Dek kerana laptop aku tak menepati spec most of online games sekarang,

aku cuma mampu tengok dan melelehkan air liur.

Dah tak boleh panggil diri hardcore gamer lagi.

T.T

Babai, Shin Megami Tensei..

Hensem an?

Doodle: The Dream w/o Pennies

2010-12-17T03:23:00.000+08:00

Malam yang sejok.

I just noticed that this is the 104th post here in bologger. com.

Haha.

Yay!

No celebration.

Unless your gonna foot the bill for me. :D

Today,

how to say,

how I wish,

I have all the money in the world.

Bapak tamak. XD

Suppressing the desire that

has been kept for the

last 6 months,

I finally had enough of it.

I WANT A BALL JOINTED DOLL!!!!

Yeah sure, blame me for

having a weird and

expensive hobby.

Wait.

Should I get a macro lens or a BJD?

They cost almost the same.

I want both!

Why do BJDs have to cost so much? T.T

And no outlet from Malaysia. Chi.

Dream on baby, dream on...

Hic. Hic.

Bye bye, Shall.

Bye bye, A&D.

Bye bye, Patrick Limited Edition.

T_T

Nosebleed.

*wink wink

What?

Please, no dirty thoughts.

I just want them to be my photo shoot models.

Doodle: Stressed out mode

2010-12-16T03:26:00.000+08:00

I hate lesson plans.

I don't like UNFORMATTED LESSON PLANS.

I don't want to be a teacher.

I don't like to be forced to do things that are out of my multiple intelligences.

And then calling me stupid for not being able to accomplish it.

Who's stupid now?

You call a truck driver stupid because he does not excel in his academics?

WELL, TRY DRIVING A TRUCK.

Geez, just put a gun in my mouth and end my life.

I'm no robot, IF YOU NOTICED.

The Mundane Morning

2010-12-10T05:01:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum. :)

Sopannye anak sapelah ni..

It's 5 in the morning and my head is filled with thoughts, instead of dreams.

This insomnia is killing me. But I guess the bright side will be having a serene environment to think and reflect my day. Today's main concern will be the solid fact that I'm such a pathetic cry baby and sensitive but also thoughtless human being.

Mak text me yesterday, sounded so down about her boss being admitted to the hospital, diagnosed for brain tumour. I don't really know that person. Met him during the department's family day, packed with energy and refreshing aura, making anyone instantly comfortable being around him. Also, a person who will defend his co-workers at all cost, making him the most lovable superior. It's an epic story, too good to be true but yeah, he's real.

But Mak was probably missing me for not going back over a week. You can't resist having me around do ya, Mak? :)

And the fact that some fella acting up all racist, ruining my night. Geez... if you can't live in a multi-racial environment, just get the hell outta Malaysia. Sicko. You never belong here in the first place the moment you become all racist.

And the prime concern of the day, guys that love toying around with the girls around them. Fragility and innocence makes this kind girls the easy target. And all that a guy have to do is to fake his care for the girl and she fall head over heels. You can never trust those smooth operator, sweet-talking guy right? It's okay Aya, you have me. :) It's his lost, toying around with a nice girl like you. Yeah. Remind me why I have trustworthy issues toward males.

In the end, all that's left is me. Sitting alone in the dark channelling the brain waves into thoughts and later takes over by the fingers to code them as letters-words-sentences. There goes Syntax and Morphology.

Alas, have a nice morning to begin with.

I'm going back to sleep.

*takes Mr.Sony, pushes the play button for YuXMishi's Akane and fall into deep sleep

Doodle

2010-12-04T14:29:00.000+08:00

Hai.

Eh. Assalamualaikum.

Saya rindu mahu bologing.

Saya kemaruk mahu pegi shooting.

Siapa mahu ajak saya?

Tapi saya belum basuh baju lagi.

Term paper proposal pun tak siap lagi.

Tolong buatkan boleh?

Saya upah RM 10.

Saya yang mahu pergi Kamchatka,

sekian terima kaseh. :D

Atuk

2010-10-22T20:53:00.000+08:00

Testing & Evaluation paper buat aku tidur less than 3 hours.

Dengan additional assignment kena hantar waktu tu jugak.

Redha la.

Aku pun balas dendam bantai tidur lepas lunch.

Aku naik la tangga ke hall depan rumah. Yang pelik ruang tamu tu tak bercat,tingkap semua tertutup kecuali pintu utama. Kat situ aku nampak Atuk, duduk dikerusi malas dengan ketayap putih, t-shirt pagoda putih dengan kain pelekat warna hijau kegemaran dia. Bila Atuk nampak aku dia terus senyum lebar. Aku tak ingat apa Atuk cakap dalam bahasa Jawa tapi bunyinya macam terima kasih sebab jenguk dia sambil tersenyum. Dalam hati aku terdetik, dah lama aku tak nampak Atuk senyum sampai macam tu.

Aku tanya Atuk,

"Atuk arek opo2?" Atuk nak ape2 tak?

"Iki.. Wedang e diisi.." Ini.. tolong isikan air.

Atuk jawab dengan senyum lagi sambil tangan dia tunjuk botol air kosong sebelah kerusi dia.

Memang kebiasaan kalau Atuk minta sebotol air sebab kaki dia dah tak larat nak ulang alik ke dapur. Rumah kampung biasalah kena turun naik tangga. Aku pun ambillah botol kosong tu. Happy sangat sebab tengok Atuk macam tu.

Aku tuanglah air dari cerek masuk dalam botol. Mak cik aku yang tinggal dekat rumah tu masuk dapur dan sapa aku.

"Cah, jangan ke ruang tamu sangat. Sejak Atuk dah tak ada ni kitorang jarang duduk kat situ jadi dah lama tak kemas.."

Tersentap aku dengar bila mak cik aku cakap 'sejak Atuk dah tak ada'. Tangan aku masih pegang botol yang Atuk pesan suruh isi air. Menangis juga aku kat situ.

Terbangun aku dari tidur. Sedar2 pipi aku basah. Aku rasa sedih yang teramat. Sampaikan aku menangis teresak2 atas katil. Aku kecewa sangat. Masa Atuk meninggal, aku tak ada dengan dia. Aku cuma dapat berita dari Mak sehari selepas Atuk dikebumikan sebab waktu tu aku masih dalam final exam. Mak cakap tak nak ganggu aku. Aku tak sempat minta maaf dengan Atuk. Aku tak sempat nak jaga Atuk waktu Atuk sakit. Aku terkesan sangat. Tapi Atuk masih boleh ucap terima kasih sebab jenguk dia. Walhal aku sendiri yang lupa Atuk dah tak ada. Dan satu2nya benda yang aku buat untuk Atuk sepanjang dia kurang sihat cuma isikan botol air dia. Dan aku kesal sebab waktu ni aku bukan dalam keadaan yang membolehkan aku nak kirimkan bacaan Al-Quran untuk Atuk. Al-Quran hijau yang Atuk bagi pada aku.

Al-Fatihah untuk Atuk.

Orang Analysis

2010-10-22T02:21:00.000+08:00

Ini merupakan parody kepada item analysis.

Boikot ilmu hisab dalam TESL! haha.

Tak faham human behaviour.

Kalaulah semua orang bersifat hitam dan putih saje.

Tak ada hidden gray circular di antaranya.

Kan lagi senang nak interpret.

Mungkin juga perlu guna testing and evaluation untuk manusia.

Bukan untuk kira markah students saje.

So.

Jangan nak bertarik tali dengan aku.

Aku tak suka.

Hitam kata hitam. Putih kata putih.

I don't tolerate with hidden meanings any more.

Kau tak tahukah aku yang sekarang lebih kejam dari dulu?

Gosh.

Tak sabar aku nak delete semua ni dari hidup aku.

Soon enough.

Farewell, crappy human civilisation.

Tarikh Luput

2010-10-19T22:14:00.000+08:00

Hn.

Dah tua rupanya aku.

Tahun depan dah 22.

Last Saturday Mak dah keluar statement mintak cucu.

Rasa macam nak terkeluar black pepper spicy chicken mcdeluxe melalui hidung.

Cucu kucing acceptable tak Mak?

Hn.

Tak ada plan nak kerja apa.

Aku bukan teacher yang baik, tak nak tanggung dosa.

Abah kata kerja dengan MAS buleh dapat free tickets.

Tapi tak buleh jadi acik baju batik kain belah tu.

Hn.

I'm screwed.

The Best Friend, The Villain

2010-10-09T14:29:00.000+08:00

Define the term 'best friend'.

Best friend means you share your thoughts, happiness, sad, worries and secret with each other.

Lame-oo..

A best friend is someone who would die for you.

Nah, WAY to fancy.

Best friend is a person you know well and regard with affection and trust.

Heh. Seriously?

My definition of best friend?

A best friend is just a mere manipulation tool in realising your heart's content.

There.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I drove my car out of the residents area. An old man was guiding the kids to cross the road, cycling and walking to their school. He let me pass once the kids were safely on the other side of the road.

"Whoa Kak, you scared the hell outta me!"

My brother said to me, showing a supposed-to-be-scared gesture. I didn't see that coming. He always told me that I drive like a turtle and so on that I get on his nerves and he'll grab the car keys whenever we plan to go out with the same car. So yeah. Hearing him said that kinda puzzled me.

"What? What did I do?"

"You did a sharp cornering. A reckless one. Not the cool-like one."

"Did I?"

"Hell, yeah."

Hmm. I was wondering if I really did that. I didn't know why. Well- since my colleagues gave me the title of "Pemandu Paling Berhemah" in campus. Haha. Guess not. Probably because I had a lot on my mind. Things that were..not clarified, just hanging and tangling on my being. But I managed to maintain my composure so far. I know I've grown firmer. Well- considering that my late granpa passed away just 3 days before my birthday this year. Still a traumatic event for me.

Aie, my brother, he just can't seem to maintain his seriousness for more that a few minutes. Unlike me. He's just the kind of person that can make everyone around him laugh their hearts out and instantly like him. So unlike me. You can say that we're like twins but with different personalities. Well- he was born on the fifth of May and me on the tenth of May. Just from different year. He's an easy-going person and I'm a, well- serious person. I don't know how to make jokes. But one thing that I'm sure is that we're both very stubborn, persistent people.

Back to the story. So I drove my car. Aie was going to Mak's office to get the car so he could go to the clinic and I could go to the class. I was in a very gloomy mood at that time. I tried to talk to him but he was in a very silly mood he was doing the sorts of turbo and nos sounds whenever I changed the gear and stuff. How can I not laugh if he kept doing that? That's my point! Despite his fever he could pull some jokes and made me laugh! Well it's kinda annoying since he was not concentrating on our conversation but I guess I could tolerate that.

What makes me think so hard is that how can he still stay in a very happy, euphoric being despite his unpleasant history? By unpleasant history means being back stabbed by his best friend and his first love. Yeah he looks all giggly and happy but he's one naive person. Really naive. One that can be influenced over so easily. It just seemed that our family has a bloodline of being back stabbed at.

Abah. Scammed and lost quite an amount of money.

That particular creature has no heart towards someone as not in a healthy condition as my father.

That particular creature is called a "best friend".

Mak. She almost lost her friends, her employer's trust and her job.

By a creature named "best friend".

Aie. He became the 'doormat' of that creature's 'dirt', and blamed for something he never did.

Nearly got beaten up. And that creature's family was cursing all of us like hell, like we're some sort of slime. Sin.

That creature, is also called as "best friend".

Me?

Yeah. Been there a few times. Need not I say more.

Mak's words continued to linger my daily life. "There's no such thing as best friends. I've gone through a difficult time and I don't want you to get hurt like me. Human are selfish creatures. They'll always find a way to use you." Despite her words, she never had a problem in socialising with people. In fact, her colleagues love her so much. They respect her. Her junior officemates calls her "Mak". Her bosses look up on her. She always flaunt that beautiful smiles of her. No one would've guess that she had been through such a hard time. So does Abah and Aie. As if those things never affect them. I adore them so much. Aie, he's more mature than me. I guess I gotta learn a piece of them.

All the way to class I was wondering so hard that my brain will popped out like popcorn. I really, really wanted to cry but it seemed like my tears had dried. I could no longer cry ever since granpa left me. That was the last time I cried. Well- exclude the time when I watched Aslan died in the hands of the White Witch. The trigger is that I had a cold time with someone that I dearly care for. It happened quite a few times but this time it was more..intense. I didn't know where it went wrong. I never thought that my un-talkative being could cause a catastrophe.

If they knew me well, they'll know that I won't talk unless I have something to talk about. No redundancy. That's what they all said. No news means good news. But that seemed to be mistaken as an arrogant attitude. Well- if you regularly define arrogant as not talking to anyone unless you need to then I guess, yeah. I'm arrogant then. I admit it. It's not that I don't care of the people around me. It's just that I'm not good at talking to people. The least I could do is to glance and smile at them. You don't expect everyone to be talkative. Some people just talk whenever there's necessity. I'm just that kind of person.

And don't expect me to be someone's best friend. I'm not that regular kind of person. It takes me sometime to consider someone as my 'best friend', considering of my bad history with people called 'best friends'. Sorry to say that I have a trustworthy issue. I hardly trust people. Forgive me for being an paranoia. Those incidents were like a permanent scars that will continue to bleed.

Forgive me for being too sensitive but insensitive towards anyone. I've grown accustomed of not being care of by anyone else. I don't know how to love or to express my love. And I don't believe in the notion of having a best friend. Perhaps there are close friends and good acquaintance but not best friends. Forgive me.

I'd rather be the villain.

I've had enough of being the victim.

I guess I am the villain now.

I'll always be.

But I'll continue to love you.

To You From Far

2010-10-05T21:44:00.000+08:00

I could hardly sleep yesterday.

I wonder why.

You came so sudden across my mind.

I wonder why.

I fell asleep filled with thoughts of you.

I wonder why.

There, you came to me in my dream.

I wonder why.

Your big brown jacket felt so warm

As warm as your smile when you sat in front of me.

Gazing towards me.

I wonder why.

I woke up, catching my breath silently.

Staring to the fan spinning above me.

I wonder why.

Do you have the answer?

I would like to know what.

Sepam

2010-09-30T02:19:00.000+08:00

What a bummer.

Stupid spam you agonized me.

Now you've turned my remaining days from "Say It Again" to "Rush".

Nak lari pegi Wales dengan Ili lah.

Tetiba rasa macam exaggerating pulak. Lantak kaulah.

Kuul people never exaggerate.

Mungkin juga perlu kurangkan lagi berfesbuk.

Mugkin perlu fokus dengan Wales.

Jangan asek tido dalam kelas beliau.

Baiklah.

Pre-Raya

2010-09-20T23:49:00.000+08:00

Hai. Aku stress.

Stress sangat2. Memang hobby kau buat aku stress kan?

Hoh.

- - -

Bila nak dekat raya mesti kena kemas rumahkan?

Nilah yang aku jumpa.

Model kereta kayu Abah. Ada banyak lagi.

Jangan bagitahu Abah aku terpatahkan layar kapal kayu beliau.

B-747 kesayangan Abah. Kata beliau banyak kenangan.

A-320 Air Asia MU. Aku suka kapal dia, tak suka company dia.

* sedang mencari JAL Hello Kitty special edition, sila bagitahu kalau jumpa.

Bila malam, sah2 la kena prepare makanan.

Part ni paling aku tunggu2 setiap tahun.

Sebab aku handal. *hidung kembang

Mak kata, "Bukan anak jawa namanya

kalau tak reti buat ketupat.."

Tangan sipoo terhebat, juara anyam

ketupat 8 tahun berturut2 Delloyds Berhad.

Tadaa.. Hensem kan ketupat aku?

*kembang lagi

Sekian sesi merelease tension aku.

Nak upload banyak2 malas.

Nanti nak buat while ngan post stage plak. Hehe.

Pesan Mak

2010-08-28T20:50:00.000+08:00

Teringat aku kata2 sorang bijak pandai,

"Berbahagialah mereka yang dijemput menghadap Allah di bulan Ramadhan.."

lebih kurang macam tulah. Siapa yang tak nak? Besar ganjaran buat dia.

Petang tadi Mak balik dengan muka hambar sangat. Balik dari hospital. Saudara sebelah arwah nenek yang rapat dengan Mak dah tak ada. Mak rasa terkilan yang amat sangat.

Selesai buka puasa, Mak panggil aku dan Ijat duduk sekejap dekat dining table. Kami pun dengarlah apa Mak nak cakap. Mak cerita, waktu di hospital Mak sampai betul2 in a nick of time. Bila Mak jumpa arwah Mak usap2 kaki, tangan dia, katakan yang dia dah datang nak menjenguk. Elok Mak cakap tu terus mesin pernafasan tu bunyi panjang... Nurse sahkan arwah dah pergi. Anak2 arwah bagitahu Mak memang arwah tunggu anak saudara dia yang seorang ni..

Mak rasa kesal sangat. Arwah memang nak jumpa Mak dari minggu lepas, waktu tu arwah sihat walafiat lagi. Jadi Mak fikir kalau mungkin Sabtu depan [hari ni] bolehlah datang jenguk dia. Aku faham Mak sibuk sangat dengan kerja, dengan Abah tak sihatnya. Tapi siapa sangka hari nilah hari terakhir Mak jumpa dia. Tak sempat nak berborak dengan arwah. Aku tahu Mak kecewa sangat.

Jadi pada kami Mak pesan, Abah tu dah tak sihat sangat. Jagalah perasaan dia, apa yang dia nak. Kalau dia marah2 tu biasalah orang tak sihat. Kita sendiri kalau tak sihat pun macam2 kerenahnya. Despite semua tu Abah sayang anak2 dia. Tak pernah sekali tangan dia hinggap kat badan atau muka. Bila berkemampuan lebih Abah bawak satu family pergi melancong jauh2. Bila dia tak sihat tu ambil beratlah pasal dia. Mak tak nak anak2 Mak terkilan macam mana Mak rasa hari ni..

Aku tahu perasaan tu bila aku tak sempat mintak maaf dengan arwah Atuk. Tapi kalau dengan Abah, aku tak tahulah macam mana aku nak menghadap perasaan tu sepanjang hidup aku. Aku akan rindu gelak tawa Abah bila dia bercerita zaman muda dia, cerita2 pasal World War II, kapal terbang, nasihat2 dia. Aku takkan dapat dengar tu semua lagi. Aku tak nak semua tu. Tapi kadang2 aku sendiri lupa. For God sake I curse myself for that. Permudahkanlah semuanya ya Allah..Amin.

If

2010-08-20T07:09:00.000+08:00

"So Glorified is He and Exalted above all that they associate with Him, and in Whose Hands is the dominion of all things, and to Him you shall be returned."

It's been a day since I thought about it.

Merely in a verge, I held myself together.

But it's clear that I'm starting to crumble down.

If you were given a chance, what will you choose?

To continue on keeping the one that you love very dearly

so that he will see you grow up gracefully,

have your own family and give him lotsa grandchildren.

But he has to continue on suffering from his pain.

Or to ask God to take him away so that his suffering will end,

and that He will care for him on behalf of us, which he deserves so.

But he won't be there the day you get married, the day you have your first child.

Or even earlier, the day you graduated from college.

What will you choose?

Will you have the strength to choose?

Will you have the strength to bear the consequences?

Will you be able to hold your tears from bursting out?

Will you regret the old days when you put him to sadness and agony?

"I have seen the kids grew up becoming nice people, and I know my time is near,

so I'm at ease if He's going to take me away. I accept it.."

Alamak..

2010-08-12T22:49:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum buat yang membaca.

Atau yang terbaca. :p

Hmm..

Not really a big deal tapi aku rasa merah jugaklah pipi aku dibuatnya.

A few moments ago setelah selesai aku bersiap, aku terpandang hijab yang ku beli dari Ilsya Hijab kepunyaan sahabatku Yaya and sisters. Geram dengan hijabnya yang labuh dan kainnya yang jatuh cantik.

Bergayalah aku depan cermin, siap bergambar lagi. Tapi aku terlupa nak tutup pintu bilik rapat, junior aku lalu depan bilik terbelek2 tengok aku. Scenery memang canteklah. Aku dah malu, dia senyum2. "Akak nampak canteklak pakai selendang.." HAHA. Aku? Lawak antarabangsa sekejap.

A few seconds bersenda ketawa dengan dia sekejap, dia pun sambung basuh baju. Aku.. Malu sendiri. Adoii...

Malu aku malu... T_T

Wake Up Call 2

2010-08-05T01:56:00.000+08:00

Hmm..

Hari ni sangat buat aku terkejut. In fact, all of B.Ed TESL semester 6 terkejut. Mana taknya, PRACTICAL DICEPATKAN KE JANUARY 2011! Haha. One freakin commotion. Aku? Aku nak jadi teacher? Seriously. Do I look like a teacher? XD

Mulalah masing2 memikirkan masa depan yang makin pendek..

Dan terpikir akan Ili Aqilah untuk merepair result selepas practical nanti memandangkan ada masa lebih. Bijaklah kau Ili. Thanx for that offer yaw!

Since Mara support aku sampai 2012 (walhal aku dah habis study masa tu) so I was thinking, what harm will I get? Maybe fenin sikit lah masa nak membayar nanti. But way long back then that He had plans for me for my future. Despite ungratefulness aku towards Dia rupanya ini rancangan Dia buat aku. Cuma aku yang tak nampak.

Teringat aku waktu semester 1 degree dulu. Blazing with passions! Tapi disebabkan satu subjek yang aku rasa tak sepatutnya dapat D, terus aku putus harapan. Main2 sampai senior year. Padahal aku attend semua lecture kelas tu, hantar semua assignments, final exam, tak tidur malam study. Tapi dapat D? Bukan aku sorang dapat D. Logic ke? Subjek aku yang lain paling low B je. Lecturer tu pulak memang terkenal akan kehandalannya menggagalkan students during that time.. Sikalang dia sula oke la.

Baru sekarang aku terasa semangat nak belajar tu datang balik. Aku main2 pun pointer aku oke. Cuba aku study serius, haha. Berapa boleh dapat ek?

Teasers : Maseh palat dek penangan 4 hours non-stop kelas literature.

Itu bukan simple presentation. Itu micro-teaching.

Lord Voldemort present je dah sejam lebih.

100m

2010-08-01T03:01:00.000+08:00

First thing's first,

assalamualaikum wbt..

Alkisahnya semalam merupakan majlis pertunangan sepupu aku, Abang Ain dengan bakal isterinya..aku lupa tanya nama dia. :p

The best part is bakal isterinya tu jiran sebelah rumah..

Dan secara tak langsungnya aku jadi photographer pihak lelaki.

..dan aku lagi nebes daripada bakal pengantin sendiri. =_='

For the time being ni je la yang sempat aku buat sebelum tumbang menyembah tilam..

Sudi2 lah kiranya memberi komen.. :)

To You Named, Stranger.

2010-07-22T01:58:00.000+08:00

Strangers remain strangers.

The love they bid, fragile to fragments.

Once wounded, gallantly shatters.

Taboo to the needy hearts, as yours.

Back on the ground.

- aniS.Kye

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Bluliness

2010-07-20T23:27:00.000+08:00

Hmm..Ape nak cakap ek?

Kisahnye, aku submit la gambar bawah ni kat Animax.

Tapi rasenye takde peluang nak keluar tv kot.

Gambar die pun tak expressive cam tuan die. :p

Anyhow, terima kasih Tioman for the good (as well as bad) memories.

Hai, saya ada USD $150 000.

2010-07-14T00:52:00.000+08:00

Yeah you read that.

Haha.

Few moments ago aku tergerak nak clean mailbox. Gelimat tengok sampah menimbun. Still aku filterlah mana yang important mana yang tak. And suddenly, muncullah satu mail yang tak dikenali. Heading die,

CENTER FOR GLOBAL RECESSION ERADICATION COMMISSION GRANT OF USD $150 000.00 TO YOU FOR YOUR PERSONAL, EDUCATION AND BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT.

[klik klu rajin nak baca]

. . . .

Wau. Aku open mail tu.

Wau. Amazenya. Baiknya bank dunia, US government nak support kayakan aku and the other 'chosen ones'. Dah macam Merlin pulak benda alah chosen ones ni. Aku dengan muka faking my awe [sarcastically] pun bacalah. Mentang2 lah assignments dah siap.

Wau. Convincing amat ayat diorang. Puh, kayalah aku! Ohh..but wait. The validity ends today since mail tu dihantar seminggu lepas. Dengan skill hacking below zero aku pun copy heading tu dan google. Waddya know, muncullah blog [link kat atas tadi] yang mana authorsnya sangat baik hati untuk publish fraud mails yang pernah wujud kat muka bumi ni. Credits to these good people.

Dah agak dah. Puhh-leesee... US government nak give away duit banyak tu kat seribu orang? Dana nak biaya perang kat Afghanistan pun tak lepas. Nak bagi aku duit? Lawak antarabangsa betul. Maybe 12 years ago I would fall for that. Hoh. Wau, KAYANYA AKU. XD

Manalah mahluk2 asing ni dapat email aku? Ni baru satu. Yang aku tak tahan a few times aku dapat mail jual ubat kuat [paham2 lah menatang apa] guna email address kawan2 aku. Apeke jadahnya semua ini? *ketawa sorang2

Wau. Sekarang aku dah kaya nak buat apa denga duit tu semua ek?

Hmm..Carrera Gt sebijik, external hard disk doploh bijik,

SR-71 Blackbird model skala paling besar 2 bijik [satu untuk abah]...

[meleret2]

Kronikal, Radikal

2010-07-12T02:13:00.000+08:00

Erk.

Aku, Visual Kei dan Sukeban?

Alamak.

Masalah besar ke ni?

Sukeban, tak cukup keras. :p

Vis-Kei, err..errr..

Occasionally aku terfikir, is it possible untuk nampak cantik/comel but at the same time being a tough-core? Maksud aku cantik tapi keras? Maybe firm is a better word. Then, ja jann... I discovered Vis-Kei.

Lama dah dengar tapi baru tergerak buat research. Oh, rupenye L'arc~En~Ciel tu vis-kei band. Patut la si Hyde tu cantik semacam. And fascinating sense of fashion. And you call yourself a fan. Hah.

Okeh. I'm into Vis-Kei now. I'm doomed. :p

Orang dok sebut2 The Gazette, okeh.. They're dang kuul.

Lagu kuul, Ruki yang kuul, dan hensem. Erk, cantik. Ntah. Hensem cantik.

Tak tahu ape word yang sesuai.

Haih, Ruki... *nosebleed

Nampak tumbesaran aku buat aku bertambah chronicle, radical and merely nonsense sikit.

Kot. :p

Post Buat Adek Den

2010-07-10T04:35:00.000+08:00

Hehee..

Happy nyeh..

Den dapek adek baru..

huhuhuu~

Hehee..

Happy nyeh..

Adek den rocks..

Macam den.. XD

Hehee..

Happy nyeh.. :D

Imaginasi tukang taip semata2. Beliau sedang obses untuk membela kucing.

*pinjam gamba Lovemeow.com

...struck.

2010-07-01T02:38:00.000+08:00

Mak..

It hurts alot..

I can't bear it any more.

Please rip it away from me.

I don't like it.

I don't want to endure it any more.

I hate it..

Please..

Release me from this vessel...

Perempuan Abnormal : World War II

2010-06-30T04:12:00.000+08:00

Tonite is a disaster. Emotionally disrupted. Gotta get back on track.

Leave me alone, you disruptors!

Jadi aku decided untuk channelkan emosi aku ke arah lain. I've always been easily fascinated by while and post-war photography. Tiap satu ada cerita tersendiri. Irony, agony, pride, hmm.. Once there's a documentary pasal Kem Auschwitz dan kisah berdarah disebalik tu. It's a living, no, past nightmare to be exact. Masa tu terasa betapa bencinya aku dengan Nazi.

Tiba2 Abah lalu dan duduk disebelah aku. Abah, despite watak dia yang bersahaja is a man of knowledge. Abah cerita pada aku tentang World War II, Holocaust, Nazi, orang Aryan juga Yahudi. Of course, aku tak ingat semua details as exact tapi bolehlah aku kaitkan dengan satu sama lain. Abah cerita, tentera Nazi gelar kaum Yahudi parasites. Tak pasti macam mana orang Aryan [asalnya dari Iran] dapat perlindungan tentera Nazi masa peristiwa Holocaust tapi rasanya berkaitan dengan World War I bilamana berlakunya Ottoman-German Alliance, satu perjanjian kerjasama. Dan memang ramai orang Islam yang berkhidmat dengan Nazi.

Kenapa Hitler benci sangat dengan orang Yahudi? Setengah orang kata Yahudi penyebab Jerman kalah World War 1. Pernah aku terbaca satu article, Yahudi merancang untuk 'mengotorkan' darah orang Jerman. Tapi kita sendiri well-informed kalau Yahudi memang bangsa perosak. Teringat aku kata lecturer Pengajian Malaysia, Yahudi anggap bangsa mereka paling mulia dan bangsa lain cuma lembu. Indeed, self-centred creatures.

Semua tu buat aku berfikir. Nazi's are inhumane tapi adakah mereka lebih inhumane dari Jewish sendiri? Sampai sekarang aku tak jumpa jawapannya. Apa pula consequences buat Islamic leaders masa tu yang bekerjasama dengan Hitler? Walhal kita tahu Hitler had done a mass murder. Boleh kata macam ethnic-cleansing. Aku tak tahu. Tapi aku rasa ianya menarik. Sangat menarik. Of course I hate wars, sampaikan aku menyampah baca surat khabar, lagikan tonton berita. I never blamed the people [except those bloody Jewish], it's the leaders. The so-called ingenuous guidance of the citizens. Bullshit. They're just some thugs that knows how to talk.

Baru kisah Holocaust, belum War in Vietnam. But one thing I know is that I'm back to the normal me. Terima kasih kerana rosakkan emosi aku. Kalau tak mungkin aku tak terfikir nak research pasal WWII. Dan pada masa yang sama buat aku terfikir betapa menariknya hidup seorang photographer. Dia mungkin cuma seorang observer but it's like magic, to capture the moments of life of others, thus experiencing it all for himself through the glass lenses. And a bonus if other people are able to look at the picture and express it in all kinds of view. Aku rasa itu sangat fascinating!

Code Name : Satu

2010-06-19T22:18:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum.

Esok akan jadi hari yang penting.

Tapi aku tak pasti sejauh mana aku bersedia.

Aku pandang jaket kelabu di sudut almari yang aku beli kelmarin.

Semestinya aku akan rosakkannya dek kerana peluh

terhimpit dengan bau2 manusia dalam KTM nanti.

Aku suka jaket tu. Kata Hawa ala2 jaket yang selalu diguna Massu.

Tapi aku tak punya kasut yang sesuai.

Sneakers lusuh aku dah jadi kasut kebun Mak.

Pada masa yang sama aku mencari idea untuk shots esok.

Dan kebetulan aku jumpa satu photoblog.

Lauryn Byrdy Photography [click for the link], bersifat personal tapi inspiring.

Shots dalam tu semua from everyday life.

Tak ada fancy shmuncy. Yang simple itu lebih istimewa kan? ;)

Ps : Hensem kan emblem kat butang jaket aku?

Made of Eden

2010-06-15T01:10:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum.

These little bundles of joy just can't make you stop smiling right?

Keep them in your pocket of heart, would'ja?

The small one is Anis. The small version of me. :p

Safe in mummy's arm..

This handsome lad was my chaperon on Tioman.

And this is his little brother. A cutie too!

Love beyond boundaries. He's a Malaysian, she's a German.

Little princess on her throne with her

gorgeous smile and two front teeth.

Peace no war, kay?

Meet my GRANDSON, Azim. Seriously.

-------------

The little German girl, she has a boy twin.

What's funny is that at the end of the day they were running

like little ducks around the beach chasing their mother, bare naked.

I couldn't stop laughing till I forgot to capture that moment.

5 Minutes to 9th June.

2010-06-08T23:45:00.000+08:00

Stress.

Result kena postponed.

Stress.

Bila pulak result MUET nak keluar.

Stress.

Aku nak pegi tembak zombie.

Stress.

Jangan kacau aku.

Kalau takut kena baham.

Leeres Segeltuch

2010-06-01T00:46:00.000+08:00

or in English, empty canvas.

Aku sendiri tak faham kenapa aku clueless sangat malam ni sampaikan tak tahu nak letak caption atau title ape untuk photo ni. Aircraft kat atas adalah dari model De Havilland Canada DHC-7 atau Dash 7. Zoom dekat2 baru nampak.

Dash 7 ni aku shoot masa kat Tioman. Yes, why shoot the sky when you have South China Sea ahead of you. Aku punye suke la. Aku snap betul2 in a nick of time sebelum hilang dari pandangan aku. Lepas tu aku senyum sorang2.

In an instance, hilang Les Misérables [bukan novel tu] dalam diri aku. Glasses patah, phone masuk air time snorkelling, boat punye schedule delayed 2 jam, kena tidur atas lantai papan, nangis sorang2 tengah malam ditemani 2 ekor kucing kat sebelah aku, etc. So yeah, I adore the skies, the clouds and the aircrafts passing above me. Blue skies, happy endings.

Aku tinggalkan rasa pahit dalam dasar Laut Cina Selatan biar dimakan ikan jadi *tutt*. Untung2 sisanya jadi baja buat terumbu karang yang makin pupus. Ade jugak faedahnye. Dan aku bawa pulang memori indah bersama kawan2 baru yang aku kenal dalam process tu jadi long-term memory dalam parietal lobe aku. Kan dah keluar Psycholinguistics.

ps : Sape punye idea untuk picture ni silelah rasa tak malu untuk sumbangkan pada aku.

Melankolik Aku

2010-05-28T01:13:00.000+08:00

Aku rasa hilang.

Walaupun aku tak pasti apa yang hilang dari diri aku.

Aku rasa rindu.

Rindu pada arwah Atuk teramat sekali.

Aku rasa jauh.

Jauh dari dia yang aku janjikan untuk bertanya khabar.

Aku rasa cemburu.

Cemburu bilamana ucapannya bukan untuk aku.

Aku rasa keliru.

Keliru mana satu perasaan aku.

Tapi cuma satu yang aku tahu.

Terus tersenyum buat mereka di sekeliling aku.

Kepastian bahawa aku lebih kuat dari dulu.

Mengawal..err..Kemahuan Diri

2010-05-20T23:21:00.000+08:00

Ughh..

Satu masalah yang aku tak boleh tangani sampai sekarang.

Masalah mengawal diri daripada benda2 yang comel.

Dan nampaknya aku sangat kemaruk dengan Teacup Persian. Sangat, sangat.

Since Bulat dah takde aku nak kacau siape lagi. Teringin bela house cat ni.

Saiz die yang kecik tu la buat aku lagi kemaruk. Best. Jalan2 boleh bawak masuk beg. :p

But at the same time aku sangat2 suke Scottish Fold dengan telinga terlipatnye yang cute gile tu,

Sphynx dengan telinga pointy tapi takde bulu dan Savannah yang coat die macam leopard.

Munchkin pun best gak! Kaki kemetot @ kucing katik. Haha.

Huuu...aku nak!!!

Agak2 mak marah tak aku bela kucing dalam rumah?

Agak2 kalau kawen nanti aku mintak hantaran seekor Teacup Persian boleh tak?

Geram, geram, geram....

Lachryma Papaveris

2010-05-14T06:06:00.000+08:00

Overseas students on vacation. Haha. XD

By Kee Wei Liang

Nama beliau Kecik. Follow pegi holiday jugak.

Beliau seekor kucing yang sangat baek..

By Me!

Aku maybe tak sefragile dulu tapi still ade soft spot for gorgeous flowers. Nyii~

Also Me!

Ini..ini.. Haha. Pulling 'Reshesh' apek's leg. Dua2 kesengalan.

By Ili Aqilah

This one's part of tea processing machine. Ade gaya Lomo tak? Hoho.

Again by Me!

Somehow aku suka picture ni.

Yes. Me!

Owner kedai ni a big fan of antique stuff.

Sangat fascinated nampak radio lama ni. =3

Proudly by me!

I believe I can fly.. Pandai tak aku snap? ;)

Venue : Cameron Highlands, actually rather late-planning trip. After a few weeks baru berkesempatan untuk edit these pictures. Haha. Every time I go through these pictures & some others as well I'll laugh my heart out. The good old days. Sangat teruja masa buat editing tapi sangat mengantuk [willing tak tidur] siapkan benda ni. Tapi malaslah nak buat watermark PEACH.emphasize :p Ni jelah antara yang boleh aku kenangkan di saat cuti semester ni tatkala teringat pada crew2 pencucuh palam ni [dun mind me orang tengah mengantuk]. Enjoy your holidays guys! Let's plan for the next trip yaw!

Bila, Kena; Psychology

2010-05-07T02:13:00.000+08:00

Bila Psychology Jadi Priority.

Saya rasa macam menunjukkan tanda2 repression.
Saya punya attention span yang sangat pendek.
Saya sangat malas nak memorize theories.
Saya cuma suka chapter Personality oleh Carl Jung & Myer-Briggs.
Pak Cik Maslow yang comel punya senyuman yang menawan.

Kenalah Psychology Diri Sendiri.

Next time nak beli colour pencils & Digimon atau Dinosaurus coloring book. +_-
Crayon chantek tapi messy.
Dengar lagu comel macam Chu 3x.
Lukis yang bukan2 tepi notes.
Kiss Ichigo banyak2. :p
Menari atas katil.

Sah saya ni psycho.

Emak Saya

2010-05-02T03:06:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum. *^_^*

Nama saya Khanisah Mohamad Kambari.

Kawan2 panggil saya Anis, Kye atau.. Khanisah la.

Emak saya sangat hebat.

Beliau bekerja sebagai seorang sekretari.

Salah satu kerja beliau adalah membuat BOM.

Hari2 emak saya buat BOM.

BOM.

B = bill

O = of

M = material

Kuulkan emak saya?

Clarity

2010-04-26T00:31:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was "Ocean" Etude Op. 25 No.12 Chopin.
Yes, I like Chopin so what?
_____________________________________

Rising and falling of tide, a norm we barely mind.
At times a mistaken philosophy.
Leading us towards falsity.
Demolishing even for the toughest shield.
_____________________________________

Ugh..
Me and my bigotry again. Nevermind.

The thing is... According to...[Kee Wei Liang's mode]
..We sometimes misinterpret the real intention of our heart.
We meant something else and the other party might probably
get the wrong meaning. Or so we call it bypassing, according to Mdm. Shangeetha.

And sometimes, the choice of word affects the perception of the other person.
Even for the approach of writing [in this context].
And I too, mistakenly perceive the real intention of the other person.
I think. Since I'm a hyper sensitive type of person. Easily getting hurt. Haha.

But then again, poor judgement of our decision is caused by our revolting mind.
- I mean, our repulsive mind. We're just not clarified with the truth.
And apparently both side of the party is just so suck at clarifiying their intention.
Overshadowing their words with so many flowery words
[just like what I'm doing ritgh now].
We can't expect everyone to understand it. Eventhough sometimes we do
it on purpose. Since they sounded so...Shakespears? Heh.

The point is, if we aren't clear with the other side's intention, ask them.
And for the other party, be honest. Don't give them more riddles.
It's just going to turn things much hazier. Which is super annoying.
I've had enough of misunderstanding. It ain't fair. It's exhausting.
So just spill it okay? Fight first, not cry.
________________________________________________

ps : So tonight's theme song will be Clarity by John Mayer.
Pretty much cover up everything I had in mind.

Despise Divertimento

2010-04-23T00:54:00.000+08:00

Don't call me Mozart,
I'm neither Bach.
My life is not a divertimento.
_________________________________

Yeah, you won't understand it. That's my purpose.

Dan aku bukan dalam mood Shakespears untuk mengarang tulisan yang mungkin buat
semua berlari mencari Oxford Advance Learners dalam possession di depan skrin komputer.

Kau belum kenal aku, kalau kau fikir hidup aku semacam divertimento.
Mungkin aku kipas-tak berapa nak-mati Andrea Bocceli, Luciano Pavarotti
mahupun Il Divo.
Belum tentu aku faham Italiano.
Tapi jangan kau minta ku dendang Hasta Mi Final.
Nanti kau yang terkial-kial.

Double the code.
Makin kau takkan faham aku.
Macam mainan Noda Megumi dengan Etude Opus 10 No. 4 Chopinnya.
Notasi berdrama yang amatlah fast paced.
Salah kau langkah, salahlah interpretasi kau akan aku.

Kau tahu?
Aku ketawa sendiri.
Kebenarannya kau yang paling mudah membaca tingkahku.
Tapi rupanya kau yang paling awal cabut lari.
Aku tahu. Bukan hak aku menyalahkan kau.
__________________________________________

Ye aku tahu karangan kat atas tu incomplete.
Macam Symphony No. 8 Unfinished pak cik Schubert.
Tapi aku dah off-track. Since sebenanye aku nak state pasal hidup aku sekarang je.
Yang makin kuat aku bertahan, makin kuat Dia uji.
Aku ingat pesan Ustat Najhan, "As sobaru minal iman.."
Haha. Bahana dengar lagu Chopin Etude Op. 10 No.4 tu banyak kali.
Dan kacau Law Lik Wen dengan 'pondang'nye tu.
Lawak la ko Law.

Massu, Misoshiru, Ubat Tido

2010-04-12T03:34:00.000+08:00

Blink, blink.

Bersepah buku ESL sekeliling aku dek nak menyiapkan assignment.

Haha. Buat lagi kerja tang eleventh hour. This is so not me.

Pada masa yang sama, aku berfikir pasal flow minggu ni. Akan mula jadi lebih sibuk. Dengan MUET next week. Haha. Aku memang hebat. Amatlah berharap plan besar minggu ni menjadi. After all those things yang bakal aku lalui sebelum tu. Bak kata Ili, charge compass morality..Takut2 aku ended up circuit shot macam mamat NEWS dua orang ni pulak. Haha.

Untuk avoid dari tertidur, aku pun layanlah Weeek. Ntah berapa round dah. Kalau real punya mesti NEWS dah tercabut kerongkong nyanyi untuk aku =_='. Mahu peluk Massu & Misoshiru kuat2 bila jumpa nanti...:)

Dan harapnye minggu ni minggu yang happy macam lagu Weeek.

Tanoshi n de ikiteikou, sa ikuzou!! XD

Riddle me this, figure me out.

2010-04-07T21:59:00.000+08:00

Absurdly absorbed.

Introverted intuition, extraverted thinking.

Introverted feeling, extraverted sensing.

I'm so absurdly absorbed.

Cognitively connected.

Logically convoluted.

I'm so absurdly absorbed.

Fear me.

The strategist, the scientist.

I'm so absurdly absorbed.

Mood : Introvertly contented. Very, very contented. XD

Berangan nak collect model kapal terbang.

Hoho.

Early Premonition

2010-04-06T21:35:00.000+08:00

Just as I thought.

Whenever I feel bad, it means something unpleasant is about to take place. Ever since last Wednesday I felt so restless. And I had mixed feelings. As a result, I accidentally made a friend felt miserable. Ah, malu sungguh!

Nekad, the day after the theatre I went back to Klang. Just in time for lunch. So, I had lunch with Mak & Abah since Aie's working. And so, Mak broke the news. Which, made me felt like I was struck by lightning. It turned out that, Abah was admitted to the hospital on Thursday for a small surgery. Yeah, shock & slightly furious since I haven't been informed about it. Still, as her daughter I have the right to know.

I guess that pretty much cleared up the fog in my head. Yeah, surgery is something so familiar to us, family. So many surgery that sometimes we lost the feeling of being so anxious waiting for the other person in the ER. Still, I can't help from feeling worried about those people. I guess those 'premonitions' really come in handy, though I hate them sometimes since they cause me agony.

And I really, really, feel ashamed of myself whenever innocent people are involved with my problems. Shoot, I just hate myself I could flushed it down the toilet bowl. Haha. Dear friend, forgive me will ya? I dunno what the hell I was saying back then. And Abah, please be okay! Hopefully you'll feel much better after the holiday trip. Love y'all!!

Pseudo-Me

2010-04-02T03:35:00.000+08:00

Etoo... this surely is awkward. But I'm gonna get straight to the point. These few weeks had really been draining my energy out. So, I tend to act- pretty peculiar. I'm always like that. Plus, for the first time in my life that my assignment had been rejected by a lecturer. So, yeah. It's sucks.

The thing is, etoo... I sorta made my dearly friend in agony today. I told that particular person, something that I shouldn't told. And that person pretty much stunt with it. This is basically what you get when you're working straight hours without enough sleep.

So, yeah. If you read this, I would like to clarify something. Just forget whatever things I've said before. I know I shouldn't have said such things with you. I wasn't hoping for anything from you. And, you know I'd never wished for such things to happen. I guess I'm too dry to think properly after working almost 10 hours with very few rest. And I really, really hope it won't effect our friendship. Yeah, it won't be the same as before, just like you always told me. But, just don't treat me awkwardly after this. Please? Kite geng kan?

These are the times when Mak & Abah would scold me for being so weak. Vulnerable. Instead of comforting me. Aiyah. And Abah would say something like " You know your late great grandmother used to be a pendekar! And she even had a defected leg! But she could fought bravely! Shame on you if she saw you like this!" Yeah, pity her she has such a weak grandchild. But thank god Abah told me with a teasing tone. If not I would've cried. Haha.

Yeah. Before I get disconnected with the outside world for 2 days, I would like to apologize to those that I've hurt probably. You'll never know what's gonna happen in the future. Maybe I'll ended up in a hospital or something. Haha. God knows. Right'O, Kye checking out! Gotta drive early in the morning to Sabak Bernam. Till then, farewell everyone.

Assalamualaikum.

クライ

2010-04-01T03:38:00.000+08:00

Tuhan.

Biarkan aku menangis.

Biarlah tangisan itu memadam luka dalam hati ini.

Luka dari tusukan lama yang masih belum sembuh.

Tuhan.

Biarkan aku menangis.

Biarlah tangisan itu mengejutkan aku dari lamunan palsu.

Lamunan yang takkan pernah jadi milikku.

Tuhan.

Biarkan aku menangis.

Biarlah tangisan itu buat aku lupa.

Lupa akan sesuatu tentang dirinya.

Tuhan.

Biarkan aku menangis.

Cukuplah.

Biarlah aku menangis.

Shelter Full of Love

2010-03-25T23:39:00.000+08:00

Today, beliau merasa amatlah depress somehow. Everything was in need of emergent attention.And few days back then kepala beliau hampirlah tercabut gara2 tidur pukul 8 pagi menyiapkan design tag untuk program subject beliau.

Walhal mereka sedia maklum yang beliau have no experience in doing graphic design. Zero. Nada. Sedangkan kelas seni waktu zaman persekolahan pun beliau dapat C-. But He destined this particular girl for greatness [hyperbole :p]. Alhamdulillah, tinggal tunggu printing.

And today was another story. Kalau diceriterakan, mahu bungkus pengarah malay soap operas di tv2 kerajaan mahupun swasta. Beliau decided untuk pulang ke rumah beliau. Beliau amatlah setuju dengan kata2 sahabat beliau, Ili si Sony Alpha 350 admirer yang balik ke rumah amat2lah crucial untuk membetulkan setting diri yang lari akibat unwanted forces yang dialami di campus. Perlu ada environment yang penuh kasih sayang supaya beliau tak bertindak seperti mana beliau memperlakukan kertas Kee Wei Liang pada hari ini.

Beginilah rupa mind beliau currently. Amatlah bergolak.

Jadi, apa yang beliau perlukan is the warmth from those that she loved so much. Her family. She does have friends but that is far different from her own family. Sampai saja di rumah, beliau disambut dengan bau ikan dan sambal kering yang pedas, sentuhan Mak beliau yang tak dapat dibeli walau di OU atau di mana2. Selesai solat & bacaan Yaasin yang berjaya menenangkan kecamuk fikiran, beliau sekeluarga pun dinner bersama. Entah bila kali terakhir family beliau duduk semeja untuk dinner mahupun lunch bersama2 seperti malam ini. Hati beliau mula berbunga kebahagiaan semula. Her house is the only shelter which is full of love.

To her, her family will always be like a safety float.

Come to rescue whenever she's about to drown from the force of this cruel cold world.

Writer's note :

Gambar2 di atas diambil ketika beliau follow Abah beliau beli ikan di satu jeti dekat Klang. Abah beli ikan, beliau merayap ke tempat lain. Apa nak jadi.. :p

Grave of the Latchkey Kid

2010-03-23T03:29:00.000+08:00

I. Fake my laughs.

Why. They're my masks.

Grave of the latchkey kid.

When. Listening to her wail.

I. Lost my trail.

Grave of the latchkey kid.

A question. Apart we're crumbling?

A thought. My guts, weeping.

Grave of the latchkey kid.

Doubt. The stocks of promises.

Fear. Left only tears.

Grave of the latchkey kid.

A will. The past, transcending.

A hope. The future, merging.

Grave of the latchkey kid.

Our love, keep blooming.

And God, willing.

Pray of the latchkey kid.

Love,

your only daughter.

Tuesday March 2010, 4.05 am

Backyard of Eden

2010-03-12T22:49:00.000+08:00

Dengan penuh hemahnya, assalamualaikum wbt.

After a few weeks tak update, akhirnya hari ni aku berjaya came up with something. Entah kenapa semester ni aku tak betah duduk hostel. So every single week aku akan head back home. Walaupun selalu kena tinggal sendirian dengan family members aku yang sangat busy, still there's no place like home.

Maka, aku pun mulalah buat yang bukan2. Erk, tapi bukanlah yang tak senonoh. Salah satu hobi aku kalau balik rumah adalah mengembara backyard sendiri. Memanglah bosan pandang benda sama most of the time but then again aku terfikir. Kenapa aku tak minorkan scope pandangan aku? Kadangkala kita overgeneralise sangat apa yang kita nampak dengan mata kasar sampai tak sedar kita left out those little things yang sebenarnya sangat istimewa.

Ni namanya..aku lupa lah. Daun dia macam rama2.

Tapi kalau rama2 betul aku dah cabut lari! Mak sayang sangat pokok ni.

Si Stokin ni kucing jiran. Tapi namanya bukan Stokin la.

Sangat suka pandang kamera! Buat aku rindu pada Bulat & Oren yang dah pergi..

Finally, favourite aku. Bunga rumput biasa yang orang lain jarang ambil perhatian. Tiny yet strong. Photograph ni khas buat sahabat2 yang buat aku rasa istimewa despite aku yang ordinary ni. Selalu bersama aku masa susah senang. Layan aku yang kadangkala off track, dan selalu buat aku tersenyum. Juga buat sahabat yang jauh di mata. Dalam kesibukannya masih ada masa buat aku. I'll always have your back! n_n. Thank you. Everyone.

Self-Actualisation, not on radar.

2010-02-28T00:14:00.000+08:00

. . . .

Animal Planet Showcase. Cool. Retired school teacher befriending wild bears.

Jaws dropped. What on earth was he thinking? I wish I could do that!

Still, from all the things in the world, befriending wild bears?

Alone in the Alaskan wilderness?

That struck my head with deep thoughts.

Hmm...I guess that's his self-actualisation. Since he gain himself a life satisfaction.

Good. Now I know I've learnt something from the psychology class.

Self-actualisation. The highest level in hierarchy of needs.

When all the needs of one's life is fulfilled, he will gain his self-actualisation.

Which is doing something that basically, contenting him.

Good for old Charlie Vandergaw he has finally found it.

And I guess he manages to educate people the truth about wild bears.

Awhh...his bond with the bears melted me in the inside.

As for me, self-actualisation is still far from reach.

I don't even know where my life leads me.

23 will be the ripe age to get married.

But ughh..don't talk to me about that. Yet. Inside I'm still a kid.

I get goosebumps whenever my parents talk about the 'perfect' candidate.

Then again, time will tell.

There are far more things that I haven't discover in this world yet.

The only way to find it is to live with it. I know it will come to me soon.

All of us will. Insyaallah.

Hujung Sisa Spektrum Si Matahari

2010-02-22T23:41:00.000+08:00

"You know what the best thing is about

the end of the day?

Tomorrow, it starts all over again.."

- Wesley Gibson, Wanted

0 bps. LED hijau terkebil2 di hujung broadband.

Lagu sunyi di hujung headphone.

Dansa tap si jari di hujung keyboard.

Mencari sepotong ayat di hujung hari.

Pergi lagi Si Matahari, seperti selalu.

Bangun di ufuk timur, undur di ufuk barat.

Yang tinggal buat manusia berkerah tenaga cuma.

-----------------------------------

Aku yang berjalan sendiri.

Tangan kiri memeluk telekung.

Selesai maghrib halaku ke kelas.

Meneguk baki ilmu tinggal 1 jam cuma.

Mata mengekor ke hujung sisa spektrum Si Matahari.

Aku toleh. Aku nampak.

Awan solo? Kasihannya engkau.

Berdiri statik tinggi tak punya teman.

Cuma mampu ketawa.

Aku pandang lagi sebelum langkah ku mati.

Kecil terselindung. Terang menyuluh.

Hah! Sinisnya engkau bintang!

Baru sudah ku katakan Si Awan yang solo.

Engkau muncul, duduk di kiri.

Tempelak kepala ku yang ligat berfikir.

Ironi.

Buat aku ketawa lagi.

Cukup2lah apa yang aku lalui hari ini.

Tak dapat aku tahan sindiran.

Sang Bintang & Si Awan.

Dua sahabat menghias langit sepi.

p/s : Saje je buat aku menganga sorang2 dalam kelas Mr. Eustace. Hoh.

ライトニング

2010-02-17T01:30:00.001+08:00

Fuhh..

Bzzztt..ADOI! (main dengan idung)

Setelah sekian lama tak buat picture editing, akhirnya tergatal tangan jua aku hari ni.

It's been awhile juga aku tak ada photo baru, so, aku started digging inventory gambar2 lama.

So, voila! Banner & graphic baru...

Picture ni sebenarnye dicaptured masa last paper semester 2.

Semester yang agak nostalgic, yet.

Thanks buat sahabat yang ajar guna teknik ROL.

Akhirnya tercapai niat nak try teknik ni.

Walaupun rasanya tak secantik dia buat.

Dan title untuk graphic kali ni adelah ライトニング.

Ape yang aku carut dalam Japanese ni? Haha.

Takde maknanya.